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separation anxiety

I googled the term "separation anxiety" and among the returned search results: "...help your child overcome this common phase," "...many kids develop separation anxiety," "...a fairly common anxiety disorder that affects children."

Apparently, I'm too old to be suffering from this disorder. This Sunday I'm flying to Dallas for a business trip for a week...a whole week...without Lily. Ever since I booked the trip, I've been having anxiety over the whole thing. Mainly over the fear of flying itself. Which is silly, since at one point I was racking up so many frequent flier miles with United Airlines that I reached Premier status and earned free first class upgrades and enough miles to pay for round trip tickets to Mexico & Utah. Now all of a sudden, I'm afraid of flying. Then to further attribute to my fears, I had a dream about a plane crash, followed by the crash of Air France, followed by *2 birds repeatedly flying into our apartment windows. In the past week I've done everything I can to justify my anxiety, which has led nowhere. Maybe my dream about the plane crash was foreshadowing the Air France incident...does this mean I have psychic abilities? Great, so each time I have a bad dream, is it going to come true? I even called the office at the apartment complex to reassure myself that its common for birds to fly into windows on our side of the building. That didn't help..."Oh, no we never receive ANY complaints about birds...there must be something about YOUR apartment! How funny!" ...Funny? Not quite the word I was thinking.

So, just as I was thinking I'm doomed...the maintenance guy came by to repair the toilet and I asked him about the bird issue. Thankfully, he said he sees it all the time on our side of the building since it faces the woods, especially this time of year. Another thing I found out online (I swear the internet is a double-edged sword) is that it's common to develop anxieties after having a baby since now you are responsible for the safety and upbringing of another person. I even found a couple other people who blogged about the same fears. So, I'm not alone, which is always comforting. After all of this I've finally concluded that it's normal to be scared about leaving Lily for a week and also to just trust in God's plan for me. Nobody can promise that I'll be okay on my trip, but knowing that what is meant to be is meant to be offers some relief. I'm just wishing this trip was over already...the verge of a full blown panic attack is really stressing me out.

By the way, I should start a list of all the things that have happened to me postpartum, so I'm better prepared next time.
  • hair loss
  • stretch marks
  • anxiety
  • anxiety
  • anxiety
I'm starting to think these symptoms are a result of weaning Lily off breastfeeding. I should ask the internet a therapist.

Anyways, I thought I'd feel better after posting this, but it has basically re-opened the can of anxieties I was having. So, to end on a good note, I am going to re-read this post I came across from Danielle Steel's blog (yes, the author). Like I said, knowing that other people are going through what I am, gives me comfort in the fact that I'm not completely crazy!


*If you haven't heard the superstition, please don't bother, it will only freak you out if a bird ever flies into one of your windows or into your house.

2 comments:

Anonymous said...

Ask a therapist?? You mean the internet doesn't have the answers to everything??? I've been fooled. I think I've googled every side-effect of pregnancy and every infant ailment known to man. You're not alone!

Ashley said...

haha i think we suffer from search overload syndrome. I'll google the symptoms.

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